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Called to serve on the Wendover fun bus - The night of broken shelves and moscow mules

This past Friday, me and four of my best friends had planned a trip on the fun bus, a nightly service that picks people up from around the Utah valley and takes them to the casinos in Wendover, NV. We're all busy guys in our late 20's, spread out around Utah, and all married (except me), so consequently we don't get to see each other very often, and this trip was a big deal for all of us.
The night was just what the doctor ordered, but the major highlight was the conversation we had about the church. We'd just finished eating at the free-for-fun-bus-passengers buffet and since most of us aren't big into gambling (read:poor) we were sitting at the table catching up, when I had the opportunity to segue the discussion into the Joseph Bishop abuse scandal. Now, out of the 5 of us, I'm the only exmo. The rest have each had their respective faith crises, to greater or (mainly) lesser extents, but were presently all active and faithful members, save some just-for-fun word of wisdom fudging here and there. And not a single one of them had heard anything about the MTC abuse story before I brought it up.
As I outlined the story of an MTC President admitting to grooming, abusing, and likely raping many young sister missionaries in his secret office/bedroom in the unfinished basement of the MTC, the church's lack of response over the years and its manipulative, weasel-wordy defense of him now, my friends sat in stunned silence. By this point the restaurant had long-since closed, the staff gone home, and we sat at the only occupied table. You could have heard a pin drop.
Truthfully, I had been more than a little bit nervous to bring it up. These were among my best friends, and there's nothing we don't talk about, but knew I had to tread extremely lightly when it came to the church. But this story had had me simmering in anger since it broke, and I both needed to discuss it and wanted to hear what some TBMs thought.
I expected my story to be challenged, or even denied, but the only response from my most faithful friend was a subdued "and they have him on tape saying this?" followed by a low whistle.
When I finished, there were some heavy, shelf-breaking sighs and a long, ponderous silence which was broken by the quietest member of our group saying, with no small amount of venom, "That's so fucked up." In the conversation that followed, the hurt and betrayal they were feeling was discussed, which led to a longer, broader conversation about problems with the church. I was asked to share my story, which is the first time any active member has asked me to do so. Again, I had to be very selective and meticulously objective about just how much to share. They were pretty clearly already reeling, and my goal wasn't to break their faith. I remember the pain of being exposed to ugly truths for the first time and didn't want to overwhelm them or make them feel attacked.
I chose to focus on that pain I'd felt (and which isn't yet confined to the past tense), of how intensely I'd loved the church, and how desperately I'd tried to believe; scrabbling to find any foothold for faith until I realized I literally couldn't believe anymore, and the yawning horror of that realization. I talked about recovery, how it got better, and touched lightly on the freedom and empowerment of following a true moral compass of my own making, free from cognitive dissonance, knowing that any shame or guilt I felt was my own and not a manufactured relic of a less-enlightened time.
I'm sure many of you can relate to how amazing it was for me to finally be able to share my experience with my friends, but their responses afterwards were even more amazing. It was as though a magic spell had been broken and with it, their silence. One by one, they all admitted, hesitantly at first but with growing confidence, things that they suspected and feared about the church. Things they had never dared to admit even to themselves, and they spoke uniformly of being relieved to finally express them. I daresay they felt what I would for most of my life have described as The Spirit.
My best friend had sat through most of the conversation looking slightly ill, with a thousand yard stare, prompting me several times to offer to change the topic to something else, but he always shook his head emphatically at this and said "It's just a lot to think about". Towards the end of our discussion, he cleared his throat, and with palpable gravity and sadness announced "I think that I'm agnostic".
Then someone made a joke, and we all cracked up, and from then on it was back to our regularly scheduled programming. We went and gambled, I got vigorously and energetically drunk, and we had a rip-roaring good time together.
No one announced that they were leaving the church that night, nor did I want them to. That kind of decision isn't one to be made in a casino in the spur of the moment (unless, for you, it is, in which case, great!). But I think the conversation may have been a watershed moment for some people I care a great deal about, and I feel as proud for them as I ever did for any of the converts who I saw make heart-rending sacrifices to do what they believed on my mission.
If any of you are despairing because those you love don't or won't or can't see what you see, give them time. Opportunities to share and maybe make an impression will come organically, and will be successful when they don't feel like you're coming at them with an agenda. Everyone responds differently, so you'll have to decide how and whether to approach someone. Some might not respond at all, ever, and that's okay. But my experience this weekend shows that things are changing, people are thinking about things more under the surface than might be readily apparent, and no hallowed hand shall smell what the rock is cooking until he rolls forth over all the earth yada yada yada blah blah blah, Amen.
submitted by Todash_Traveller to exmormon [link] [comments]

The tweets of Wilford Woodruff

Since Ol' Woody has been mentioned in several threads here of late I'm adding a story about him and a list of his tweets created by an exmo, Book of Mordor.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff
Introduction
At the end of an artfully concealed passageway within the F (First Presidency's) Vault at Granite Mountain can be found a hidden trap door leading to a secret sub-basement. Using my special set of skills, I had navigated my way into this forgotten room. I passed by the Liahona, the Sword of Laban, what looked like a Jaredite-barge shining stone thingy, and the head of Shiz in a jar; these trifles were not the reason for my dangerous and clandestine visit. I found myself sweating and mopped my face with the nearby Title of Liberty.
In the far corner of the sub-basement, I spotted an opening in the floor. Creeping over for a closer look, I beheld a spiral staircase winding endlessly down into the abyssal blackness. Eldritch symbols and unsettling images were engraved upon its cold steps, but I knew that I must descend, for the mysterious Fat Man had insisted there was no other way. My flashlight flickered and I hoped that I had inserted alkaline batteries instead of the cheap regular ones.
At length, I arrived at the nethermost alcove below the mountain. And there! next to the casks of Amontillado I spied the prize and object of my search: a small locked wooden box. But not just any box, for it contained a priceless artifact. I promptly seized the box and got the hell out of there.
Returning to my room at the Crystal Inn Hotel in Murray, I brought out the key which had proven so difficult to procure. If you can recall that one "Pirates" scene with Will Turner and a sleeping Davy Jones at the organ, you get the idea. But that tale I dare not relate in full. Suffice it to say that the telling would cause men to weep and women to giggle.
My hand trembled as the key turned and the lock clicked open. I slowly raised the lid and at last gazed with wonder on that for which I had risked all. With my heart pounding, I removed it, and so I now hold...the Flash Drive of the Prophets.
The Flash Drive of the Prophets! Naught but rumors and whispers can be heard about it from the wizened merchants who lurk in the dark recesses of City Creek Center. To think that I am now in possession of it is almost more than I can bear. But I must make haste, and share what I can of the supernal treasures stored on it. And so I present to you, dear readers, the Tweets of Wilford Woodruff.
@Big_Ol_Woody - Getting dunked a mormon in a few. Gonna be an #IceBath, f**king freezing!!! 10:48 AM Ð 31 Dec 1833
@Big_Ol_Woody - @ParleyPPratt says I have 2 go 2 some podunk place called Kirtland. Pratt's a horse's @$$ control freak. Why do I have this urge 2 run? 3:41 PM Ð 1 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting the big guy @JosephSmithJr now. Hairy dude. Whats up w/ all the girls & can I get some? 11:22 AM Ð 25 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Showed JS a leg bone & arrowhead. He's #OffHisMeds, starts on about a white Indian named Zelph. Great prophet Onandagus, I call bulls**t. 1:14 PM Ð 3 Jun 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mission, WTF?!? No one told me that! #BaitAndSwitch 10:58 AM Ð 11 Nov 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Movin on up, in the 1Q70 now. Gonna get small folks 2 #PaintMyHouse 4 me. ROFL! 12:39 PM Ð 3 Jan 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got me some action at last ABOUT TIME! Phoebe's 30 like me not a babe but I'll take it. JS promised me a bunch more later haha. 8:03 AM Ð 14 Apr 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission?! Finally getting laid & have 2 leave again, whats wrong w/ u ppl? 11:40 AM Ð 9 May 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Made APOSTLE 2day! JACKPOT!! I'm famous, u must all BOW DOWN BE4 ME! 3:11 PM Ð 26 Apr 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another fking mission. England this time. Fk. 8:46 AM Ð 8 Aug 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dunked 600 chumps past 6 wks. @JohnTaylor had the idea, calls it #CricketBaptisms. Seems 2 work. 11:17 PM Ð 10 Apr 1840
@Big_Ol_Woody - Seeing Phoebe soon, YES! Horny as all s**t, have 2 make up 4 lost time. 9:43 AM Ð 2 Jun 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - JS showed me the "Urem&Thumem" (sp?) 2day. Just a f**king rock but had 2 make a HUGE deal like OMG! OMG, faint! LOL!! Rube. 7:09 PM Ð 27 Dec 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - Goofy s**t around here starting 2 get 2 me. Seeing stream of light in sky shaped like sword. Must be going crazy. 8:21 PM Ð 10 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - Oh my head. F**king sky sword changed in2 a ring w/ balls of light inside. JS says sky sword means big war coming. #NauvooMadHouse 9:12 PM Ð 14 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG DAY 2DAY GETTIN MY SECOND ANOINTING ON!!! #GoldenTicket #IGotMine 10:02 AM Ð 28 Jan 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Moved in2 new house yesterday. Got it "broken in" last nite w/ Phoebe heh. Life = good. 8:31 AM Ð 5 Mar 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME??? Want 2 kick JS in the nutz. #LoserTyrant 4:04 PM Ð 6 May 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - OHHH S**T reading in Boston paper JS shot, killed. Bet that SOB Young is gonna try 2 take over. Not good. Need 2 get drunk fast. 3:50 PM Ð 9 Jul 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Its over. #TheBrigham is prez now. Every1 else kissed butt so couldn't say anything. Have 2 play nice. F**k we're doomed. 2:57 PM Ð 8 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission 2 #Europe but it's OK this time b/c I'm MP now & can order every1 around. #HastenTheWork serfs!! 12:25 PM Ð 12 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Back in Nauvoo again WhereTF is every1? Half the town gone. Oh well got 2 run home I have DEEP blue balls LOL! 3:33 PM Ð 13 Apr 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Some army jerkwad wants volunteers 4 #MexicanWar. F**k that. Where were u earlier? Passed buck up 2 #TheBrigham. 11:20 AM Ð 26 Jun 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Marrying 3 chix 2day have #HaremOf4 SWEEEET!! Mary A's 28 Mary C's 17 Sarah's 18 & I can hardly wait! Phoebe not happy TFB. 8:44 AM Ð 2 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Teenage wives a pain, want guys their own age. Can't figure it out. BE GONE YE HARLOTS! Just the 2 wifeys 4 now. 10:55 AM Ð 29 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - OW FK A TREE JUST FELL ON ME FK GODDAM S**T THAT HURTS OW OW 2:27 PM Ð 15 Oct 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Both wives preg, always complaining about something SHUT IT! Leaving em 2 each other 4 female bonding. ROAD TRIP YEAH!! 4:06 PM Ð 5 Apr 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - This place is a dump, total #ForsakenWasteland. Deseret my @$$. BY = idiot. 9:56 AM Ð 24 Jul 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - Climbing a mountain 2day. Full suit tie & vest. Fk I'm hot tired & #NeedABath. It's never enough is it BY? Never fking enough. Ever. 12:34 PM Ð 26 Jul 1847
I have been discovered. My actions here have alerted the Strengthening Church Members Committee. Even as I write I can hear Danite footsteps echoing in the hall. I must escape. Brethren, hasta ma–ana.
Praise Darwin, I have outwitted my foes. Oaks' Blokes chased me down the fire stairs and into the hotel lobby, but I threw down some banana peels upon which they slipped and fell. My northern and eastern escape routes were too heavily guarded, and Wendover is a hole. I have turned south and found refuge in Santaquin, but cannot linger.
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**ked up dream, prob drank 2 much #barleycorn. Saw JS & a lot of ppl in white robes making crowns. Have 2 get off the stuff. 2:17 AM Ð 16 Mar 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary A divorcing me 2morrow WTF is going on? Not like I've been away from home neglecting her, oh wait I did. All right go then. S**t. 1:51 PM Ð 10 May 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 tell BY I need women 2 #LiveUp2Privileges. Down 2 only Phoebe since last divorce, not enough. Must find #PerkyBoobs soon. 10:03 AM Ð 16 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - S**t, have 2 marry this widow named Mary, she's 48. Older than me. Guess #TheBrigham is pissed at me. Need 2 brown nose again. 9:26 PM Ð 27 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary died 2day so just 1 wife again. We can #KeepEmComing tho. Have another picked out already, Clarissa's 17. 6:16 PM Ð 3 Oct 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham dedicating #SLTemple site, droning on & on & on. Will NOT close pie hole. Want 2 go home, drink #beer. 11:41 AM Ð 14 Feb 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Bad luck w/ teens, Clarissa divorced me 2. Trying again 2day w/ 2 new hotties, Emma 15 & Sarah 19. I'm 46 haha. SCORE. 8:28 AM Ð 13 Mar 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Off again, have 2 travel across the fking country 2 buy st 4 the #DeseretAlphabet. Just another wild hair out of BY's @$$. 9:02 AM Ð 3 Mar 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Addressed bumpkins in conf 2day in favor of #handcart ops. All have 2 back #TheBrigham on this or else. #NoConscience 3:23 PM Ð 6 Oct 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Promised hayseeds some would be alive 4 return of #TenTribes & give em endowments. Never know what the f**k I'm talking about. 1:57 PM Ð 22 Feb 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: @JamesBuchanan 2 send in US Army. ROFLMAO!! #BringItOn, Prez! We shall summon mighty earthquakes 2 swallow you up!! 12:08 PM Ð 24 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another wife 2day! 9th overall but 4th staying. Hard 2 keep track. Sarah Delight's just 19 say hi 2 Mr. Woodruff! #DelightMe 11:01 AM Ð 31 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JohnDLee ran in 2day shouting about #MountainMeadows something? Said Indians killed ppl. Yawn. BFD, need 2 get ready 4 army. 3:47 PM Ð 29 Sep 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Spoke 2day in the Tab, said #God progressing in knowledge & power. Crowd ate it up, go figure. These dips**ts believe everything. 2:24 PM Ð 6 Dec 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Running away 2 Provo since army's almost here. Expected #God 2 send down useful s**t like #FlamingAngels but nope. #WhatElseIsNew 9:05 AM Ð 7 Apr 1858
@Big_Ol_Woody - Yeah right wool. Nothin better 2 wear in CK huh Heber u jackhole? RT @HeberCKimball: Peter wore wool when he came 2 Kirtland temple 3:46 PM Ð 9 Feb 1862
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma ready 2 pop any day, Delight 3 mo along. Sarah's turn 2 receive some laying on of hands & gift of the holy spurt haha. 6:58 PM Ð 29 Jan 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Prophesied Albany 2 be destroyed by fire, Boston by tidal wave, NYC by quake. BY stood up & agreed. We're just makin it all up as we go. 4:12 PM Ð 21 Aug 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma & Delight WAY preggers & HUUUGE, Sarah busy nursing kid last 8 mo, Phoebe's 61, nowhere 2 go 4 sugar. 2:35 PM Ð 13 Jul 1868
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 put up w/ this batst EVERY SINGLE FKING DAY around here. RT @BrighamYoung: #Sun & #Moon are inhabited 5:00 PM Ð 24 Jul 1870
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think I finally did it, 3 wives prego at same time. D*ck is sore tho & G's rub against it fierce. #NoSpermLeft, balls shrunk 2 pea size. 10:42 PM Ð 21 Nov 1872
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: rumor #PolandAct passed by @Congress yesterday, easier 2 prosecute plyg. We will DIE be4 we abandon plyg!!! #NoSurrender 10:29 AM Ð 24 Jun 1874
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got the shaft again. I'm older than Taylor, next in line but fking Q12 jumped him ahead of me just b/c he was ordained 1st. Hate u fks. 1:48 PM Ð 10 Apr 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talked again about #TenTribes coming soon. Might even convince myself of this s**t someday. #NotGonnaHappen 2:45 PM Ð 24 Jun 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told everybody 2day that #Millennium is dawning soon blah blah. Would be amazed if anything I said ever actually happened. 3:31 PM Ð 12 Sep 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting w/ @UlyssesSGrant, as usual #TheBrigham is boring the living s**t out of the Prez. Put a sock in it 4 once u douche. 10:18 AM Ð 3 Oct 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - BY said 2 write temple s**t down. Started last Nov u dumb coot. Will make this crapola all scary weird w/ #BloodOaths 2 freak ppl out haha. 12:32 PM Ð 14 Jan 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think BY likes me b/c he's giving me his daughter Eudora 2morrow. She's 24 & OK I guess. Can't do s**t at 70 tho. 5:22 PM Ð 9 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham doesnt like me after all, I get now why he dumped his daughter on me. Well played BY. 11:14 AM Ð 11 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - You'll NEVER believe this!! Bunch of ghosts in wigs just showed up in SG Temple! G-Wash, T-Jef, B-Frank, all of em! OMG SICK!!! 12:56 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Now they're all #BooHoo about no temple work 4 em yet. Waited soooo long wah wah wah. Scuse us guys we've been busy. 12:59 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Introducing themselves 1 by 1. BORRRING. U signed #DeclarationOfIndependence? Never heard of most of these ppl. Who are all u jokers?? 1:07 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Button Gwinet? (sp?) WTF stupid name is Button? Wait til I tell BY's kid Mahonri Moriancumer Young, he'll die laughing. Button, ROFL!! 2:21 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
I hear voices in the distance, shouts of "Oh, fetch!" coming closer. How did they find me so quickly? Into the night once more. Brethren, peace out.
Again I have survived. The fools really ought to remove their sunglasses at night, but it seems to be against the rules. They left only the chauffeur to guard their car, a custom 2013 Bentley Mulsanne bearing the license plate "MONSON6." (How many does he have?) I dispatched the poor fellow using a can of Mountain Dew heavily laced with Ex-Lax, then drove away. I exited the interstate at Nephi, later abandoned the Bentley in Milford and have made my way to Minersville. I should be safe here. No one has ever visited this town.
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's T-Jef by himself this time. Looks uncomfortable, says something about wants 2 marry #SallyHemings? I say IDK, need more info. 10:34 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - OK get this. So I pray & see Sally! HOLY S**T SMOKIN HOT!!! I get an idea, play cool, say sorry no, #CurseOfCain etc. He's sad & goes. 10:38 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - TJ's back. I offer 2 swap my 3rd, 4th & 6th wives 2 him 4 Sally. Don't fess up these 3 divorced me haha. He says he'll get back 2 me. 1:19 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Can u f*king BELIEVE IT?!? #SelfishGhost said *NO 2 my trade!! T-JEF IS AN A-HOLE!!! #IWantSally 3:53 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got dunking done 4 all these dead guys & a few more. Got water up my nose LOL! #Columbus will be sooo grateful 2 me! 7:30 PM Ð 21 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Just woke up from dream about Sally H, look down & ewwww gross!!! Long time since that happened, didn't know I still could haha! 1:16 AM Ð 25 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG news! BY finally kicked it, seemed that tool would never go! Guess that HOT @AnnElizaWebb broke his heart. Annie #TelegraphMe anytime!! 11:57 PM Ð 29 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - At funeral of #TheBrigham, now I'm 1 step closer 2 prez. Snoozefest, bored 2 tears. Have 2 speak later, hope I can stay awake. 10:24 AM Ð 2 Sep 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Eudora had son yesterday but he died. Time 2 visit Emma 4 replacement. Delight 7 mo preg wonder if she's OK haha. 8:29 AM Ð 2 Apr 1878
@Big_Ol_Woody - got 2 run n hide the us marshals r after me that bch eudora divorced me n ratted me out 2 the govt why do all these bches turn on me? 7:43 PM Ð 7 Feb 1879
@Big_Ol_Woody - Beware O Earth 4 the Hour of the Judgment of #God is Upon U! Seriously! I'm Not Kidding This Time, I Really Really Mean It!! 5:13 AM Ð 26 Jan 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Q12 droolers took my Jan nutter ramblings as the Word of #TheLord so it's official #revelation. Shaking my head, it's a #circus here. 4:48 PM Ð 4 Apr 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talking on #SignsOfTimes, this generation 2 see return of JC blah blah blah. Have 2 keep it going til the gomers wise up 2 us. 3:17 PM Ð 3 Jul 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: Prez @ChesterAArthur signed #EdmundsAct yesterday. #TheLord shall PROTECT US as w/ FIRE ye MINIONS OF SATAN!!! 10:11 AM Ð 25 Mar 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Saw CK mansions in dream last nite, the best #HeavenlyArchitects were building em. Must be getting f**king senile or something. 6:06 AM Ð 30 Dec 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 go on the run again, gettin 2 old 4 this st. What a fking joke, not like I'm boning any1, #CantGetItUp w/ a pulley. 8:14 AM Ð 14 Jan 1885
@Big_Ol_Woody - GEO EDMUNDS & JOHN TUCKER BY THE POWER OF THE P/H IN THE NAME OF J-C I SENTENCE U BOTH 2 INSTANT DEATH & ETERNAL DAMNATION IN OUTER DARKNESS 10:59 AM Ð 14 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Did it work? 8:41 PM Ð 15 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**k me we are so screwed 11:28 AM Ð 17 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: Taylor died yesterday so I'm prez now. Super, just f**king splendid. Can't even go 2 #outhouse w/ out being arrested. 1:15 PM Ð 26 Jul 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Put my foot in it again. Prophesied that SS & MIA kids in audience 2 live 2 see #SecondComing. I'll be long dead by then #SoSueMe. 11:03 AM Ð 29 Jul 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Ridiculous horses**t, surrounded by cretins. RT @OrsonFWhitney: JS: #TowerOfBabel built 2 reach #CityOfEnoch suspended in midair 10:37 PM Ð 22 Sep 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another #revelation from #God hooray! Not going 2 give up plyg 2 become state. #TheKingdom doesn't take terms it makes em. 10:36 PM Ð 24 Nov 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: @SupremeCourt upheld #EdmundsTucker. #God promised 2 fight our f**king battles but chucked us, what a surprise. 9:44 AM Ð 20 May 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Time 2 give up plyg. Need 2 make up some [email protected]$$ excuse 4 blowhards like BY & Kimball & Pratt etc. Thx a heap #God big help u were. 1:54 PM Ð 24 Sep 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 #TapDance 4 every1 about why we caved after 50 yrs of big bulls**t CK promises & brave talk of US collapse. #EpicFail 9:49 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's good. Said more crap about never leading the church astray, remove out of our place blah blah. Will all #BlowOverSoon, plebs wont remember. 11:10 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JosephFSmith asked 4 chat w/ son J Fielding 2day his 15 bday. #WeirdKid if u ask me. Arrogant little f**k, not 2 sharp, kinda creepy. 1:42 PM Ð 19 Jul 1891
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dedicating #SLTemple 2day, hosanna, hosanna barf. Have #hangover, feel like s**t, might need #coffee 2 stay sharp haha. 9:19 AM Ð 6 Apr 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told peasants in conf 2day #OMyFather is #revelation haha. Sometimes I kill me. 4:52 PM Ð 8 Oct 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - B-Frank said hi in bizarro dream. Had long talk, he wanted more temple s**t done. I said OK if he would bug T-Jef about #SallyHemings. 3:46 AM Ð 20 Mar 1894
@Big_Ol_Woody - Utah state but w/ out plyg dammit. Bogus Ô89 #revelation was test from #God I bet. Uh yeah thats it. U cant criticize me I'm the profit. 12:08 PM Ð 4 Jan 1896
@Big_Ol_Woody - Conf talk earlier 2day, kids here 2 be alive 4 #SecondComing. Same ol s**t 60 yrs, they're just never gonna learn. [email protected]$$es 4ever. 6:25 PM Ð 8 Apr 1898
Betrayed! facepalm It must have been a local, besotted with the false promises of a special second anointing for my capture. If I could hie to Kolob Canyons I might yet stand a chance. I will return and report, should I live. Brethren, whatever.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: The Hunt is On!
It has come to this at last. I was hotly pursued into Zion National Park and alas! have tragically lost the Flash Drive of the Prophets while scrambling over the lovely pink cliffs. I fear that it will never be found, save perhaps by an intrepid contributor to this board. Once I reach Mesquite I think I will be free. The Committee has no power beyond Utah, and the breakfast buffet at the Casa Blanca is not half bad. I thank you, dear readers, for your time and attention but damn I really must move or I am toast. Brethr
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: Epilogue
The boys were close on my heels all the way to St. George, where I ditched them for good as they were gorging on thirds at Golden Corral's dessert table. I held to the course of the Virgin River through Arizona, entering Nevada near Bunkerville. Being famished I was compelled to rustle and BBQ one of Cliven Bundy's cattle. And it came to pass that I arrived in Las Vegas clinging to the back of a big rig. I relax now poolside at Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. All is well! My adventure is finished and I return to a normal existence, buying tequilas for sun-kissed topless honeys. I thank you once more for your kind attention. Brethren, I do.
The orignal article and other information about LDS Prophets is available here: http://www.salamandersociety.com/foyeprophets/
submitted by HeberSeeGull to exmormon [link] [comments]

Wendover Questions

So I've lived in Salt Lake for a few years now but I have never been out to Wendover, at least to go to the casinos, but I have some family coming in to town this weekend and they want to go out there. what would be the best casino to go to for some regular gamblers like my family and a first time like my self. It's most likely going to be a day trip but is it inexpensive to stay the night if we decide to. I've heard the peppermill is the best but I really don't know.
submitted by MossyOak1500 to SaltLakeCity [link] [comments]

Wendover recommendations?

My wife's 21st bday is coming up and I'm thinking of taking her to Wendover to have some fun and get wasted. What casinos offer the best free drink service while playing blackjack or poker? I've been to Wendover before but it's been years. Also, which hotel would be the nicest to stay in? Thanks!
submitted by CuriosMomo to SaltLakeCity [link] [comments]

Lesbian Psychic is 100% correct--warning of impending death from very strong spirit

In 2008 my mother died. I was devastated. I was very close to her. She was my best friend. I took her dog back to my place. One evening I was watching TV in my room, and her dog (whom I loved very much also) was lying on my bed. Suddenly, an unseen hand PUSHED him down on the mattress, way way down three times fast. I saw it. I said "DO THAT AGAIN!" but nothing happened. No way the dog could do that himself. He was lying down on his side.
I convinced my Dad, who was retired, to go with me to Sacramento, so I could attend a disc jockey school there. The night we arrived and got moved in, I looked in the telephone book for a psychic ( I did not have Internet at that time nor a computer), and found a woman in Carmichael, which is next to Sacramento. I called her, and made an appointment to go see her the next day. I told her that my mother had recently died. I did not tell her that I lived with my father, or anything else. That evening, my Dad fixed noodle and butter. Fried butter STINKS, so I didn't eat any. I went to a Jack in the Box instead. My Dad fixed the noodles and butter, and then sat in a brown chair in the living room and ate it. I couldn't take the smell, so I left.
The next day I went to the psychic woman's house. She lived with another women. The psychic woman had a "buzz" cut. It was pretty obvious to me she was what some call a "Bull Dyke". i didn't care. I just wanted to communicate with my mother. I gave her the fifty dollars, and she closed her eyes and said: "You mother says she is fine, not to worry about her (yahda yahda)" and I stopped her and said: "Look, ma'am....I need SOME PROOF that you are communicating with my mother!" She said "Ok" and closed her eyes again. She said:
"Your mother is telling me that last night your father made noodles and butter, and he put to much butter in it. And your father sat in a brown chair next to the wall and ate it but you left without eating any. Also, your mother says that all those bad things that your father did to her, those don't matter now where she is."
I was SHOCKED!!! It took me a minute just to be able to speak. I told her NOTHING about my father. I did not tell her that I was living with him. I said NOTHING about what my father had made for dinner the night before. NOTHING. I didn't even mention him. I did NOT tell her that my father was a drunk and gambler, and treated my mother (and me) horribly for many years. My father would stead money from my mother and go gamble, then lose all the money, lose the rent money, and come home and ask my mother for more money, and my mother would say "There is no more" and my father would beat her. She divorced him when I was 5 years old, but she came back to him many times, because working as a waitress she could not afford to support herself and two boys on one income.
A few days later I started using a computer at Cal State Sacramento (was not a student there...just used their computers), and I would go to the various news chatrooms. And one fellow started to threaten my life in a chat room, because I wrote something he disagreed with. He would write: "I'm gonna kill, I'm gonna find you". Stupidly, I used my own complete name in the chatroom. Anyway, a few weeks later, I would get telephone calls with "I'm gonna kill" you then a hang up. I asked the operator to trace the call, but they operators would say: "Sorry, we can't do that. You should call the police instead". Well, I did call the cops, and they said: "Nope, we can't trace the calls, ask the telephone company to do that".
Anyway, about a month later, I was in my room. My left wall was another apartment. Behind my back wall was a small area that was sometimes used by dogs, but it was not a walkway. My window was 11 feet off the ground. It felt like a large Sumo wrestler was running into my back wall about five times, hard. I knew this was IMPOSSIBLE since my room was 7 feet off the ground, and it would be impossible for anyone to BANG into my back wall like that. I'm sure it was my back wall, not my other walls. The banging was so violent that my head would lunge off the wall a few times. I ran into my Dad's room, which had a door to a back porch, and I looked out, and nobody was there. About a week later, it happened again. I ran into my room and told my Dad. My Dad said:
"A few nights ago somebody came into the room and sat on my bed. I looked up and nobody was there."
We both took this as a "sign" or warning. We left the next day, and moved to Utah. I wanted to get out of California also because my Dad was gambling about 80 dollars a day, with "scratch" Lotto tickets. Utah did not work out, because my Dad would take buses to Wendover Nevada, which had casinos. But that's another story.
Anyway, as we were finishing taking out stuff to the car (we left all our used furniture behind), two black thugs dove up and parked next to our car. One of them said: "Damn man...they're leavin!" I could hear the other one call someone on his cell saying: "Hey man, the mother f&&&&uh is leaving right now. He's movin'~ NO MAN...he's movin'. Dey be leavin' RIGHT NOW!" The second thug tried to whisper but I could hear him.
There were no black people living in the apartment complex. So I said to my Dad: "Leave the other stuff...let's go now". He got in, and we left.
I never did finish school, because of my Dad's gambling. I later became a truck driver.
I wish I would have written down that Psychic's name. She was legit. I tried another "Psychic" before her, in Washington State, but she was 100% wrong on everything. But, the Psychic in Carmichael was 100% right. HOW did she know that I lived with my father, and that he made noodles and butter the night before, and sat in a brown chair watching TV while he ate it? There is NO WAY she could have known, because I told her nothing about my father. I did not even mention him, much less told her how awful he treated my mother.
I believe today that whatever was BANGING violently on my back wall, was warning me to get away...NOW! Thank goodness we took the warning.
submitted by Jamshid_Rohani to Paranormal [link] [comments]

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